If You Need To Convince Him To Stay, You Should Let Him Go

*Note: This article was written for Bolde.com on 02/02/17. To read the original article, click here.

The beginning of a relationship is great, but if your partner sticks around long enough to be exposed to the uglier sides of you, the thought suddenly crosses your mind that this guy is either going to be in your life permanently or he’s going to head for the door. When you really, truly care for someone, it’s heartbreaking to think they could just walk away, but don’t worry and don’t try to convince him not to. If he’s the right guy, he’ll WANT to stay.

1. IT’S HIS DECISION IN THE END.
Despite how hard you might try, you can’t make up his mind for him. Even if you convince him to stay momentarily, it won’t change his feelings, and your relationship (not to mention your self-esteem) will suffer in the end.

2. IF HE’S THINKING ABOUT LEAVING, IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE DOES.
Every day will be another round of, “I wonder if he’s going to leave me.” You can talk yourself up all day, but when he’s not right for you, it’s a matter of when he’s going to leave, not if. There’s no need to put yourself through that kind of emotional torture.

3. FIGHTING WON’T DRIVE THE RIGHT GUY AWAY.
Fighting is a natural part of every relationship that can either tear it apart or deepen and strengthen it. If you’re having to convince him that you’re the one he’s meant to be with, even a petty little fight could cause him to sprint out the door. Healthy long-term couples have fights that could potentially break up others, and they forgive, forget, and move forward together. If he’s right for you, he’ll stay despite the heated 2 a.m. screaming match.

4. YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS.
If he’s on the fence, you won’t be able to confide in him, whether it be about your thoughts, feelings, doubts, or virtually anything else. You’ll be too caught up in worrying about whether you sound needy or if you’re bothering him. The right guy will be the one you can turn to, whatever the situation may be, to offer you reassuring words or a shoulder to cry on.

5. TRYING TO WIN HIM OVER WILL LEAD TO OBSESSION.
His opinion of you will begin to dominate your life and thoughts. You’ll constantly be worrying about what’s going on in that brain of his, resulting in sleepless nights in which you wonder why it took him two hours to respond to your text. As a result of this unhealthy obsession, you’ll begin to prioritize his happiness over your own just to keep him around, leading to your own unhappiness.

6. THE RIGHT GUY WILL BE THERE EVEN ON YOUR WORST DAYS.
We all have bad days where nothing goes our way, everyone seems to be especially annoying, and you can’t catch a moment of peace. Days like those often result in snapping at people unprovoked and general bitchiness. If you’re having to convince him to be with you on good days, how is he supposed to handle you at your worst? The right guy will recognize your crankiness and may call you out on it, but he knows a bad day when he sees one and that’s not enough to drive him away.

7. HE SHOULDN’T NEED REMINDING OF YOUR GOOD QUALITIES.
You don’t have to be a wingman for yourself in your own relationship. He should be your number-one fan who talks you up on the days when you forget how dope you are. The right guy knows every amazing trait that makes you the person that you are, including a few extra tidbits you’re probably not aware of.

8. YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO BE YOURSELF.
You’ll never feel completely comfortable around someone who’s thinking about leaving you. Instead of feeling natural in the relationship, you’ll overthink everything you say and pretend to be someone you’re not to keep him around. You shouldn’t have to over-analyze everything you say and do to make him happy. Being with him should be as natural as it is when you hang out with your friends.

9. THE RIGHT GUY WON’T LOSE A DAY WITH YOU.
He’s not interested in the on-again, off-again dynamic. Instead, he wants to be with you even after a disagreement and not only when it’s convenient for him.

10. YOU’RE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH.
A guy should never make you feel like less than who you are. Don’t convince him to stay because the moment he leaves, there’s room in your life for someone who will always be there. If he wants to walk, let him — there’s something better out there for you, without a doubt.